What's happened over the past couple of years?

What's happened over the past couple of years?
Come and find out about my lifetime mission!
Update April 2018: It's been a while my friends - and such a lot has happened since I was last active here!

When it finally dawned on me that I had been systematically abused - and not just by one person - my whole world collapsed around me.

You see, I had always believed myself to be a strong person. Capable. Successful and somewhat sassy to boot. A fighter. Someone who could overcome any challenge, as I'd proven to myself since early childhood, time and time again. So the knockout thud of recognition that I had been a 'victim' hit me with the full force of a steam train, tsunami and earthquake rolled into one.

"How could that have happened to me? How did I let it happen? Why didn't I notice it? Why didn't I stop it, or at least speak out?"
...and then came an all engulfing darkness of shame. And then the deafening silence.

It took me years to come out of that place. Years of hard work, self reflection and excruciating pain.

Which was how, ultimately, Light Up was finally born.

Now this work is being experienced and shared by many - and is growing in numbers and momentum. And I am grateful.
Grateful not only for my own experiences, also for the fact that Light Up gives people the tools to escape from their shame and pain in far less time than it took me!

We've already worked with trafficked women, abused children and traumatised adults, successfully guiding them back to completeness (without having to relive their horrors) in as little as two sessions.

People are waking up and finding their voices. I am a firm supporter of the #metoo movement, and every other group that sheds light on and offers a platform for people to speak out and seek a complete way of living.

Yes, there is darkness in this world. Yes, there is much that has been hidden away. And yes, now people are speaking out. Thank goodness for those voices! The quiet ones. The angry ones. The sad ones. The loud ones. All have their place. All have their unique message to share. All are warriors.

I am honoured to be in service, and to play my part in reigniting this beautiful world of ours. We are coming together now. We are gathering force. And I am glad.

Fellow warriors, I salute you. I commit to continuing to stand in this arena alongside all my brothers and sisters who know there is a better way and a brighter future.

Come and find out morewww.dnalightup.net

In continued love, recognition and gratitude

Mel xxx

Wednesday, 20 January 2010

The Winds Of Change...

...are surely blowing my way, and bringing such a sweet feeling of relief! After months and months of battles in the wilderness, at last I can feel that things are changing for the better.

These changes, though, unlike many before, are slow, safe and solid. For the first time in my life, I feel that new foundations are being built - not a shell, but a new depth of strength and security, right from the core of my soul. And you know what? Bizarre though it may seem, I'm actually beginning to get a sense of deep gratitude for my recent struggles - and, indeed, those of the past - for now I feel at peace. The struggles have at last brought me to a place of clarity and in a better position than I can ever remember.

Yes, the financial issues are still there - but they seem somewhat insignificant now. For, in the place of fear and stagnation is a newfound confidence and energy. It's not gregarious. It's not out to prove anything or shock anyone. It's not loud or "in your face". It's not there even to make a point. It's now something that's now resonating both inside and outside of me at a constant low pitched hum - making me feel a little like the Ready Brek kids with their warm red glow.

So what's happened? What's changed?

In truth, I'm not sure which came first, the chicken or the egg. I'd like to think that by changing my inner world, it has been responsible for making changes in my outer world - perhaps, though, it's been a little bit of osmosis from both parts? All I do know is that I'm no longer daunted by the road that lies ahead of me. I feel ready and able to face the obstacles I must overcome to finally free myself from Happyman and the mess he's left. But that's all it is now, just a mess - nothing more and nothing less. And messes can be cleared away. It's funny, because now I cannot even begin to imagine how my life was when he was around - not even remotely. The life I had then, the person I was then, is foreign to me. Interestingly, Dylan said exactly the same thing this weekend. I made reference to "Cam" about something - and he looked at me momentarily confused. "Oh, him!" he'd said "I'd forgotten he had a real name - it seems as though he was never here!" I chuckled, as once again my wise son hit the nail on the head.

For perhaps that's key - indifference is THE difference? Perhaps, for me, I've finally "let go" by completing the mourning process properly for the first time? Perhaps the on-going battles have given me the opportunity to clear up old messes as well as the present stuff?
Allow me to explain...

During my lifetime of study and self-development, I've often had the instinct that perhaps there was still something left to deal with around the sudden death of my beloved father when I was just four years old. Until recently I believed that I'd already explored every part of that situations - that I'd gone in to every emotion and healed every wound. But the gift that has come out of my husband's worst betrayals, is that I've been given the opportunity to explore all those emotions again - and found a new freedom as a result. For, like my father, Cam was everything to me and I adored him with all my heart and with all my soul. And like my father, he disappeared overnight with no warning and no recourse.

My pain and fury have at times been almost overwhelming. I didn't know that such strong emotions existed. I'd locked away the intensity and power of feelings from my childhood for fear I would literally die from the devastation should I ever open the floodgates. But this time it was as if I had no choice. This time, each new battle, each new test or piece of unexpected bad fortune, has forced me to feel fully - heart, mind, body and soul. And boy it's been hard work...! This time, though, I've also been open to the love and support that surrounds me. This time I haven't shied away. This time I've let myself fall and get up - over and over and over again. But then, as babies, didn't all of us followed exactly this same process so that we could learn to walk?

And now I'm walking. Tall, strong and with a new perspective. Confident that I'm on the right path, and that everything in my life has led me to this moment. And I feel healed - although, I must confess, I hadn't been aware that I was "sick" in any way.... I just know that now I feel better.

Perhaps, at last, I'm no longer waiting for my hero to come home. For perhaps now, I've finally realised that I can face life on my own two feet.

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